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bigblue wrote:the whole club is fucked... check out their "official match report"

http://www.chelseafc.com/news/latest-ne ... lsea-.html

bonkers

Im_Spartacus wrote:

bigblue wrote:the whole club is fucked... check out their "official match report"

http://www.chelseafc.com/news/latest-ne ... lsea-.html

bonkers

Surprised that despite the whole match report deflecting from the fact that they were all at sea defensively, there was no mention of us getting away with a red card for Fernandinho, strange considering he probably deserved it.

But such is Mourinho's control of the club, the staff writer would absolutely not dare to question his view that Chelsea were the better team - particularly given the events of the last week. Real shame to be honest, as the fans deserve better than to have the output of their website controlled in such a Putinesque manner.

The world watched on in goggle-eyed awe on Sunday afternoon as Chelsea Football Club stormed to a resounding 200-0 victory over the hapless village idiots of Manchester City, smashing their rivals with a performance that will make their critics think twice about ever denigrating their character again. The mayhem did not end there, with Chelsea’s website writers ordered to mount a predictably successful coup of this tea-timely football email. There will be no more satire. From tomorrow onwards, this page will turn into a 24-hour rolling news service documenting Chelsea’s many victories both on and off the pitch. Your inbox will teem with tales of Juan Cuadrado’s latest hat-tricks and pictures of Arsène Wenger looking upset. The Fiver you once knew is bound and gagged in a dark room somewhere. You do not need to know where. Questions will not be tolerated. It is all Eva Carneiro’s fault. You can ask questions if you like, but you have no right to ask them, and the consequences will be dire if you persist.

But back to Sunday’s magnificence. In galaxies far, far away, there were aliens who stopped building lasers that could destroy Earth with just one blast, resigned to the fact that it would only require John Terry to stick his brave chest in front of the beam to send it back their way. Terry, Chelsea’s lion-hearted captain, who has the beating heart of a lion, roared at the back as City’s feeble attack crashed against his manly frame and shattered at his feet. Terry rolled back the years once again, although initially Chelsea toyed with City, raising their hopes by letting little Sergio Agüero have a couple of sights of goal. Fingers were pointed at Eva Carneiro’s poor marking in the Chelsea defence, but Asmir Begovic thwarted Agüero, before ending the little Argentinian’s afternoon by plonking him on top of the crossbar and refusing to let him get down.

As Agüero attempted to clamber down from his perilous position, before eventually admitting defeat and calling the fire brigade, City suffered another blow when Lionel Messi scored his 17th goal for Chelsea after his £300m arrival from Barcelona in the summer. Messi was linking up well with Cristiano Ronaldo in attack, while Andrés Iniesta was pulling the strings in midfield. City were reduced to chasing shadows, but even that was beyond them, and Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich deserves great credit for providing our inspirational leader, José Mourinho, with so much backing in the transfer market. Mourinho looked ecstatic when Radamel Falcao came off the bench in the second half to score 73 goals past a miserable Joe Hart. The margin of victory would have been even greater if Eva Carneiro had not missed a penalty.

Chelsea’s football was so beautiful that Michelangelo jumped out of his grave so he could catch the last 20 minutes, the Italian great observing that he had never seen art this good before. As for City, their attempts to park the bus were as lame as ever. “I tried to park the bus,” City’s manager Manuel Pellegrino wept, hot salty tears of shame streaming down his face. “But I was out of my depth. Mr Mourinho really is the best and I have decided to announce my retirement from football management. What’s the point?” It was the only thing Pellegrino got right all afternoon. The lads are top of the league and there’s nothing Eva Carneiro can do about it.

bigblue wrote:the whole club is fucked... check out their "official match report"

http://www.chelseafc.com/news/latest-ne ... lsea-.html

bonkers

Duckman wrote:even the yanks laugh at him

Watch on youtube.com

WhyAlwaysMe? wrote:
Many have enjoyed the photos taken of Moronho & his daughter, from the GQ Awards.
... So, Jose the Boob doesn't warn his 18-year old daughter, that she's forgotten the vest that's supposed to be worn with her dress, so that her breasts aren't falling out & exposed?!

I also don't think Jose will be happy with the news, that Thibaut Courtois has been injured & may be out for up to 2 months.

WhyAlwaysMe? wrote:
Many have enjoyed the photos taken of Moronho & his daughter, from the GQ Awards.
... So, Jose the Boob doesn't warn his 18-year old daughter, that she's forgotten the vest that's supposed to be worn with her dress, so that her breasts aren't falling out & exposed?!

I also don't think Jose will be happy with the news, that Thibaut Courtois has been injured & may be out for up to 2 months.

WhyAlwaysMe? wrote:
Many have enjoyed the photos taken of Moronho & his daughter, from the GQ Awards.
... So, Jose the Boob doesn't warn his 18-year old daughter, that she's forgotten the vest that's supposed to be worn with her dress, so that her breasts aren't falling out & exposed?!

I also don't think Jose will be happy with the news, that Thibaut Courtois has been injured & may be out for up to 2 months.

Nigels Tackle wrote:would you take your 18 yr old daughter out wearing that???

Nigels Tackle wrote:would you take your 18 yr old daughter out wearing that???

WhyAlwaysMe? wrote:

Nigels Tackle wrote:would you take your 18 yr old daughter out wearing that???

It was actually my very sensible daughter, who laughingly shared these photos with me.
My kid pointed out that by not wearing a camisole or vest underneath this tuxedo dress, Matilde Mourinho is trying to steal all the attention away from Jose & focus it all on herself & her body!

So, my point was that Jose's daughter is an exact replica of himself... A narcissistic attention addict! The same type of person that is more concerned about their own winning reputation, than allowing an injured player to get the medical attention, that they possibly needed...

DoomMerchant wrote:
Look, i've got a 16 year old and there's fucking no way in hell i can control how she dresses to a large degree. She's not totally over the top in any way but every once in a while i get a furrowed brow over her ensemble. I can tell you that if i was a rich and famous football manager I'd have 0% control over anything she wore and her mother would override any issues i had around wardrobe. Even if she got half her tits out in a sexy jacket. And as it stands she looks absolutely tasty as fuck, so what can you do? Someday she'll be someones slightly worse for wear wife/mother of 2, etc and no one will be asking her to get her tits out for a night on the town so she should enjoy it while the shit is in tip top shape.

Dameerto wrote:I'm just listening to his conference (I presume a replay) - quality.