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phips wrote:

Ted Hughes wrote:Extra games for them.

Keep 'em busy & see how they cope.

this.


i was happy that Arsenal got knocked out though

Piccsnumberoneblue wrote:

phips wrote:

Ted Hughes wrote:Extra games for them.

Keep 'em busy & see how they cope.

this.


i was happy that Arsenal got knocked out though

Always happy to see the Arse out.
Would have loved Scouse gone too. Seeing their season falling apart before it really started would be fun.

History

Liverpool Football Club was founded in 1892 due to a rent dispute between then Anfield inhabitants Everton Football Club and landlord John Houlding. In a classic dickhead Kopite move, Mr. Houlding raised the rent by 150% after Everton clinched the title in the 1889-90 season. The then Everton owners committee declared Mr. Houlding a bad bell-end, vacated the stadium and moved to the ever superior Goodison Park whilst Mr. Houlding looked to found a new club who would inhabit Anfield. Mr. Houlding attempted to name his new venture ‘Everton and Atheltic Grounds Ltd’ in an obvious bid to infringe on the already massively successful and seriously boss Everton FC. When football authorities refused to recognise Houlding’s new ‘Everton’ he renamed the club to ‘Liverpool F.C and Athletic Grounds’ – creating what we now know as Liverpool Football Club. Ispo facto, Liverpool Football Club is the afterbirth of Everton Football Club. Enjoy your second hand stadium you bad bunch of gimps. We were winning league titles on your soil before you were conceived.

On the playing front, it’s hard to argue against Liverpool’s dominant success domestically and overseas – but I’ll give it a good fucking go. Bill Shankly was first on the scene to win things for Liverpool in spectacular fashion – completely transforming the club. An outstanding manager who was as quotable as he was successful; Shankly won 3 league titles – one immediately after getting Liverpool promoted from the then second division - 2 FA Cups, and a UEFA cup amongst other things. Then, in true Liverpool fashion, the club completely cut ties with their heroic talisman under the guise of moving the team forward. Steven Gerrard Bill Shankly, like a man serving a death row sentence, found God. That God was the ever welcoming Everton Football Club:

"I have been received more warmly by Everton than I have by Liverpool. It is scandalous that I should have to write these things about the club that I helped build into what it is today."
From Bill Shankly's autobiography 'It's More Important Than That' (1976), discussing the period after his retirement.

Shankly saw the light and walked towards it and all you heathen Liverpool fans out there will also walk this path later on in life - You simply haven’t reached enlightenment yet. Goodison Park is life. Goodison Park is eternal. Shankly died a Blue.

Success was continued in the form of Bob Paisley’s Liverpool in which the club continued to pick up silverware. From all accounts, Paisley was a great bloke and an even better manager. But, coming from this stranger on the internet, I can tell you he was a massive trophy hoarding cunt. Skipping this era really helps with my agenda.

Contemporary Liverpool haven’t enjoyed the romping success previous decades have provided and it’s mainly because they’re shit. In 2005 the club reached the Champions League final via a serious of fluke results. Against Olympiakos, Steven Gerrard sliced a half-volley in to the far corner which helped qualify the team for the knock-out rounds. In the semi-final, Luis Garcia scored a phantom goal that sunk Chelsea – the ball did not cross the line. Then, in the final, the miracle of Instanbul occurred. The self-described greatest game of all time consisted of Steven Gerrard diving to win a penalty, no winning goal being scored, and the match was decided by a Shevchenko missed penalty. Millions of Liverpool fans headed out to have ‘5 Times’ branded upon their skin by their local tattoo artist making them not only really individual but also helping other fans identify and avoid them before being pummeled into submission by stories of ‘Stevie G’ and the final without a winning goal.

The current Liverpool team is much different to what has come to be expected from their disillusioned fans. Their fearless leader is a pedicured David Brent caricature and their team consists of overrated and overvalued footballers. However, this doesn’t stop the fan base from believing they deserve to be at the top of the table via football divinity. With the increasingly hilarity of high profile players turning down the chance to join Liverpool and those they have on the books wanting to leave, the future is bright for all us who hate them. Unfortunately, each time it in the past when it has looked like they were about to nose dive in to the abyss, they have rose like The Undertaker from their casket. Another shit summer’s worth of transfers and my Belief Mobile will be accepting passengers.

Supporters

Becoming a Liverpool fan takes a lot of hard work and dedication. Years of studying ancient mythologies and historical poetry is required so you can compare Brendan Rogers to Ares and write cringeworthy sonnets about distant victories of the past. Being able to create a banner or flag is essential and Latin speakers are desirable. Clothing consists of anything you like as long as you constantly wear a Liverpool scarf and lift it above your head like a tool for every rendition of You’ll Never Walk Alone you hear. Location is not important. If anyone ever questions your bewildering loyalty for the club due to your residence being over 500 miles away from the city of Liverpool simply start to lie. A common and battle-worn excuse is to explain how a family member who is ‘a massive red’ influenced you from a young age. This tactic has worked handily for decades.

Rivalries

Geographically, Liverpool’s main rival is Everton Football Club. However, most Liverpool fans don’t feel this way because they don’t live within the city. Liverpool fans have a tendency to class any club that is currently successful as their rivals in a bid to make their team feel relevant and important. During the 90’s, the big rivalry became Liverpool and Manchester United largely due to United’s roaring success. Liverpool fans around the world were appalled that another team was allowed to win league titles in their presence. How dare they. Then, after the avalanche of money Roman Ambramovich invested, Liverpool self-appointed Chelsea as one of their new-age rivals and repeatedly mocked the club for their lack of class and attempts to buy success. I believe the Liverpool song goes “Fuck off, Chelsea FC. You ain’t got no history.” Liverpool then sold their club twice in the space of three years to wealthy American entrepreneurs in a move they refuse to believe to be hypocritical as they continue to see their American empire as everything that is good and organic about English football.

Conclusion

I hope you liked my brief history of Liverpool Football Club. To finish I would just like to let you all know that I am a veteran historian on the subject of hating Liverpool and my opinion can be trusted as fact.

Fuck off, Liverpool.

Mikhail Chigorin wrote:I particularly like the description of Brendan Bodgers :- "a pedicured David Brent caricature".

Quite a nice, biased article and very appropriate indeed.

Wonderwall wrote:signed Bogdan, they really dont trust Bodgers with money any more

john@staustell wrote:It's good. "Ancient mythologies and historical poetry" - love it.

Whenever Dippers mention 'istry I always ask them 2 questions:

1) Who won a European trophy first, City or Liverpool?
2) Who holds the English club ground record attendance?

patrickblue wrote:

john@staustell wrote:It's good. "Ancient mythologies and historical poetry" - love it.

Whenever Dippers mention 'istry I always ask them 2 questions:

1) Who won a European trophy first, City or Liverpool?
2) Who holds the English club ground record attendance?

And they always give two answers.

We've won the CL five times, immediately followed by.

That's 5 times more than City.

Bit predictable.

Wonderwall wrote:signed Bogdan, they really dont trust Bodgers with money any more

Original Dub wrote:It's truly amazing to watch their downfall. So satisfying that we are heavily contributing towards it.

Terribly self righteous fans. I have one or two good dipper mates but the rest are painful.

At least the rags were blitzing trophies and had a right to shite bag constantly.

Spoke with an old leeds fan earlier and while he started off with a mini rant on money/city ruining everything until he knew who I was, he wasn't long about saying he hates them more than anyone for the obvious reasons.

Power house of european football my arse.

Original Dub wrote:
Power house of european football my arse.

Original Dub wrote:It's truly amazing to watch their downfall. So satisfying that we are heavily contributing towards it.

Terribly self righteous fans. I have one or two good dipper mates but the rest are painful.

At least the rags were blitzing trophies and had a right to shite bag constantly.

Spoke with an old leeds fan earlier and while he started off with a mini rant on money/city ruining everything until he knew who I was, he wasn't long about saying he hates them more than anyone for the obvious reasons.

Power house of european football my arse.