Oliver Holt On Gollum.

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Oliver Holt On Gollum.

Postby Ted Hughes » Wed Aug 28, 2013 9:03 am

This makes me burst out laughing & vomit at the same time.

Manchester United vs Chelsea felt like a win for David Moyes even if it ended goalless


Picking Rooney against the team he's said to want to join was a sign he isn’t going to be dictated to by him or Mourinho, writes Oliver Holt

Out of the shadows of the Old Trafford tunnel and into the brilliance of the floodlight glare he strode, gazing around him as he walked.

The supporters rose as one to greet their new boss with a deafening round of applause and David Moyes raised a clenched fist in the air to acknowledge them.

He turned for a second to the Stretford End, the great bastion of Manchester United support, and glimpsed the giant banner strung over the second tier.

It was a picture of Moyes next to the message: The Chosen One.

The successor to Sir Alex Ferguson walked along the touchline for the first time as United boss, opposite the giant stand named in his predecessor’s honour.

Opposite the reminders that United have won the Premier League title 20 times, opposite the tributes to the dead of Munich.

“Come on feel the noise,” the Stretford End sang over and over again, “we love David Moyes.”

Moyes got to the half-way line and saluted the crowd one more time.

Then he turned to find Jose Mourinho waiting for him.

Mourinho had swaggered down the touchline a few minutes earlier, looking like he owned the place.

He had clapped a friendly arm around the shoulder of Ryan Giggs as they walked, like the two of them were best pals.

And to make sure everyone felt the bonhomie, he did the same with new United assistant Phil Neville.

Some wondered if there might be some coolness between Moyes and ­Mourinho after the latter’s relentless attempts to unsettle Wayne Rooney.

But if Moyes felt any ­inclination to avoid the Chelsea manager, he did not get a chance to act on it.

Mourinho gave him a kind of double high-five and a hug - he is the self-appointed elder statesman of the Premier League now.

Not that he has lost any of his talent as the best agent ­provocateur in the game.

His latest claim is that it is all Moyes’ fault Chelsea have bid for Rooney.

If Moyes hadn’t said he saw Rooney as a back-up for Robin van Persie, Mourinho said, he would never have tried to sign him.

When it comes to mind games over Rooney, though, Moyes played the biggest one of all: he picked him.

Picked him in the starting line-up against the side that covets him.

Picked him against the team he is said to want to join.

It was a bold move. It had a nice dash of defiance in it.

It said Moyes wasn’t going to be pushed around by anyone.

It said he wasn’t going to be dictated to by Mourinho. Or by Rooney.

It said, most of all, that he was the boss.

There was no sign of Ferguson.

He is at home recuperating from a hip operation. Although he may also have decided to give Moyes a little space.

And midway through the first half, even though it may have felt strange to some, for the first time in 27 years United’s supporters did not sing about ‘Alex Ferguson’s red and white army’.

They sang about David Moyes’ instead.

"I would like to earn their applause," Moyes said later. "I would like to be applauded for winning things."

On the touchline, Moyes and Mourinho stood a few yards from each other but avoided each other ­assiduously.

Mourinho flung up his arms in despairing disbelief ­occasionally at a refereeing decision.

And when United fans belted out a chorus of ‘Sit down Mourinho’ he dismissed them with a wave of his hand.

Mourinho can do no wrong with Chelsea fans, but it would have been interesting to see their ­reaction if Rafa Benitez had picked a side without a centre forward and with the club’s leading creative talent, Juan Mata, left - unused - on the bench.

Mourinho’s ultra-cautious team ­selection – Fernando Torres and Romelu Lukaku were also on the bench – set the tone for a stultifying first half.

On Twitter, former England striker Stan Collymore ­interpreted the selection as a message from Mourinho to Rooney:

“Wayne, have a look at us, lots of creativity for you, no strikers I really like. Come on. Join us.”

Mourinho’s selection did its job, though.

It kept United at bay.

It earned Chelsea an important point at the home of a team likely to be one of its main title rivals.

But if the match was a victory for either manager, it was Moyes.

After all the build-up, all the provocation, all the pressure, he did not buckle.

He stayed true to United's attacking traditions.

He picked Rooney and, on a night when few stars shone, the England centre-forward did.

After the match, Mourinho made little attempt to hide his dismay at the warm reception Rooney was given by United fans.

"It was," he said, pausing for effect, "...very English."

It felt as if Moyes took another step towards keeping Rooney. And it felt as though he faced down Mourinho.

He refused to play the role of little boy patted on the head by the teacher.

He refused to be patronised or pushed around.

So even if the match finished as a dull draw, to the man who was acclaimed for the first time by Old Trafford, it may have tasted more like victory.


Fucking LOL & BARF.


Holt back to doing what he does best.
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Re: Oliver Holt On Gollum.

Postby Herb » Wed Aug 28, 2013 9:19 am

What a crock of shit . . . such total bollocks that even the more rational rags must be laughing at it.
If we had De Gea and the rags had Hart, we'd be top with a 9 point lead and they'd be in 12th place - that's the difference between a 'good' keeper and a 'top class' keeper - 12 places - think about it.
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Re: Oliver Holt On Gollum.

Postby dick dastardley » Wed Aug 28, 2013 9:19 am

tabloid diahorrea what a piece of scum sucking arse banging media shite!!!
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Re: Oliver Holt On Gollum.

Postby Mike J » Wed Aug 28, 2013 10:05 am

Holt is THE worst journo out there. Even worse than ladyman. Some of the shite he spouts on twitter is unreal.
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Re: Oliver Holt On Gollum.

Postby sheblue » Wed Aug 28, 2013 10:21 am

[quote="Ted Hughes"]
Mourinho can do no wrong with Chelsea fans, but it would have been interesting to see their ­reaction if Rafa Benitez had picked a side without a centre forward and with the club’s leading creative talent, Juan Mata, left - unused - on the bench.

quote]

This is the only worthwhile sentence in the whole piece, the rest of it is blurp....
If Rafa done that he probably have been strung up.
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Re: Oliver Holt On Gollum.

Postby Douglas Higginbottom » Wed Aug 28, 2013 10:32 am

Just strikes me as OTT drivel an amateur would write. Quite spectacularly awful.
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Re: Oliver Holt On Gollum.

Postby bigblue » Wed Aug 28, 2013 11:54 am

Whats up with the one sentence per paragraph? Intended for a audience that is more used to children's books than newspapers? And the content reads like a satirical piece:

"Moyes looked out on all of the club's past success, heartbreaking tragedies, and legions of the most loyal fans in the world.

Waves of euphoria and pure glory pulsed throughout his body.

Overcome by emotion he acted without thinking, using the decisive instinct that only a Manchester United ® manager could possess.

Moyes dropped his pants, unveiling his proud 12" cock, fully erect.

Mourinho, standing a mere 10 feet away, was taken aback at the full, proud glory in front of him.

He know that he could never win and would never win versus the mastermind Moyes.

Mourinho promptly informed his team, the referee, and Sir Moyes that he would settle for a draw.

The game was decided, having tied a title rival at home, Moyes was victorious.

The United fans all rose with thunderous applause to greet the rightful heir to the throne."
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Re: Oliver Holt On Gollum.

Postby Beefymcfc » Wed Aug 28, 2013 5:10 pm

Ha ha ha, that's glorious. I thought there was some shit coming out of the Swamp and the media but that near tops it all.

Good to see that they were celebrating the win against the Special Con, they were well worth it.
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Re: Oliver Holt On Gollum.

Postby City64 » Wed Aug 28, 2013 5:15 pm

Oliver Holt is a first class tit ! Elton Welsby lookalike gone wrong ! Elton Welsby was a tit aswell btw !

The Special One my arse !
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