This pretty much sums up todays farce
Zurich, Dec 2 (Reuters) - Viacom (VIAb.N) C
England has lost its bid to host the 2018 World Cup to Russia following a vote by FIFA's executive committee members, FIFA president Sepp Blattered announced.
Blattered suggested that Englands bribe of letting the whole FiFA selection committee take Posh Spice and Kate Middleton up the arse was never going to appeal to his members but suggested that if Louis Spence and Daniel Radcliffes had of been offered then England would of at least received his vote.
Russia also beat off competition from Spain/Portugal and Netherlands/Belgium.
Sepp had to concede that Putins offer 100 billion Rubles ,letting him keep his on testicles and not having them added to Putins already extensive Platinum edition boxed collection was what eventually swung the decision in the Russians favour.
The loss will be a blow to Prime Minister David Cameroon who led England's final push to host the tournament alongside Prince Will-i-am, David Buckham and Sir Bobby Chorlton just hours before the voting began in Zurich. Unfortunatly Mr Buckham had to leave the proceedings early and return his ailing wifes bedside in in America .Victoria Buckham is suffering due to complications from her recent rectum re tightening augmentation .
In a frenzied round of last-ditch lobbying Prime Minister Cameroon had played up England's readiness to host the tournament, emphasising already-built stadia and infrastructure. But it was not enough to win over the committee,they had seen the Brum v Villa derby flare fest the night before and they wernt for turning.
England captain Wio Furdinand, posting his reaction on his Twitter account, said: "Wow Wussia will host the world cup 2018....soooo gutted. What more could we have done? What did we do wrong?" havnt felt this bad since Tevez found the smack I was hiding in my rectum" TTFN im going to watch the end of Glee with Wazza ,Nevs, and the west of the boys, Luv yis, GGMU".
Borat Johnson accompanied with a group of American football Cheerleaders who chairs London United, the group responsible for co-ordinating the capital's bid, said the result was "tremendously disappointing ,im a huge Rugby fan" I love watching lads role around in the muck chasing the ball in fact ,James Cameroon and I would often ruck on our own at Eton" at least I think that's what he called it ,but it was tremendous fun what ever it was ,quite sore on the backside but a smashing bit of fun all the same and Camo would always splash some warm lotion on my back when he was finished,thoroughly decent bloke ". Golly it would have been spiffing if we could have won the Superbowl bid ,damned Euro rotters"
Upon the result of the bids the BBC has now decide to air the second part of the Controversial Panorama documentary "FIFA's Dirty Secrets" which puts the spotlight firmly on FIFA's corruption .Tonights episode concentrates on the mysterious Desert Kingdom Qatar.
Despite only having a population of 1.5 million souls and the same number of blades of grass in the entire country,the tiny Arab nation of Qatar was awarded the 2022 World cup final ,This shock announcement was greeted with a large amount of head scratching by the football press and fans alike all wondering why the fuck would they hold a the worlds biggest football tournament in a Muslim country that rarely allows the consumption alcohol.