The Bloke Behind Me

[Piccsnumberoneblue]

There used to be a long running series in When Saturday Comes of offerings from 'The Bloke Behind Me' (TBBM)
It sprang to mind on Saturday after Clint (Actually three seats further up the row rather than behind, but poetic licence is allowed) shouted, "I think we're really going to miss Caceido this season"

My all time favourite was in Goater's first season, sat in the Main Stand, an exasperated voice bellowed,
"Goater, you jump like a ... house plant"

Any tip top examples from others?

[Nickyboy]

Last season was sat behind the goal in the North Stand. Sir Joey was hobbling off for Newcastle and Damien Duff was loitering in the corner waiting to take a corner. The bloke behind me shouted:

" Duff, Duff, Where's your caravan you fooking pikey"

me and my mate were in piss fits for the rest of the match

[Craig B]

I once heard somebody say "..Do you get points for testimonials?.." ;-)

[ant london]

Whilst not remotely sophisticated against Villa at home last season. Me and Fu were in 110 and there were a trio of little ne'er do wells in front of us.

There was a lot of abuse being flung over to the away fans and then this little scrote in front of me shouted held his hands up like this until he had the attention of some of the opposition support



and then started moving the opposite hand's index finger in and out.

I think he was intimating that we (Manchester City) were going to "fuck" them (Aston Villa)

something about it was absolutely hilarious though.....caused much mirth

[Ted Hughes]

When I was a little kid the whole family went in the Platt Lane stand. The bloke behind looked like Ken Bates & was forever slagging off City & Lee in particular, which led to loads of arguments with our lot.

After one particularly heated argument, he tapped my Nan on the shoulder & was told to "piss off!" whilst my uncle shouted "leave her alone you out of work fucking Father Christmas!"

He then gave my Nan her bag which he had kindly picked up after it had fallen down in front of him.

[saulman]

Newcastle at home last season when Bellamy bagged his first for us and Kaka had just turned us down, some geezer behind was screaming.......
"Yeeeaahhhhhhhh Bellamy, the Welsh Kaka!" That got a big laugh.

[Fish111]

I once heard a woman ask her husband after around 20 minutes of the first half ''which are City then'' I kid you not (Main Stand Maine Road) a load of people turned round and stared and laughed, the bloke turned beetroot red and excused her by saying it was her first game!!

There was also a woman in the South Stand upper tier who went with her husband to every game without fail, true blue i hear you say! Well, she was until she brought out a book to read all the way through the game. No reaction whatsoever to anything going on in the game and just a little smile to her beloved whenever we scored, her husband hugged every other fucker around him apart from her when a goal went in.

[Mase]

Had the displeasure of going to United – Charlton a few years back on free. Was sat with my mate really close to the pitch and when Danny Murphy ran past some mune shouted "Fuck off back to home to Liverpool Murphy! I fuckin hate scousers (Murphy's from Chester btw)" To which everyone went quiet and turned around to look at the gimp. "..........apart from Rooney!" dick ed!

[johnnyondioline]

Good thread!

2 immediately spring to mind. The first back at maine rd, there was a guy who sat in the kippax upper tier with a depp booming voice who always used to shout after about minutes, irrespective of opposition, "c`mon city these are shit this lot, we should be fuckin stuffing them..." But once came out with the classic comment after about half an hour of dross football in the nightamare div 1 relegation season of "Fuckin hell City, Galvanise yourselves"...cue audible levels dropping as those around tried to work out what a big word meant! Made me laugh anyway.

Secondly, after moving to Coms, we sat next to a group of lads in 305, seperated by the aisle only. One lad used to come dressed in a smart shirt every game, sun rain or snow every game just a ted baker shirt (not tucked in) and he was the angriest bloke i`ve ever seen at the game on a regular basis. We called him "Shirt man"

Anyway, think it was the immortal Boro game when we lost 1-0 courtesy of sun jihai og and they didnt have a shot during the whole game. At one point the ball was cleared by being hoofed miles in the sky , while in flight shirt man jumps up and screams "ohhhhh fuckin come onnnnn" My mate comments loudly whilst in between guffaws "C`mon mate, have a go at city, but at least give gravity a break"

Looking round to see us all in stitches, shirt man just about flipped, and was about to wade over before realising that his own mates were also in stitches laughing at him!

I hope he`s feeling happier now!

[Mase]

Forgot that there's some guy near us who when the other teams keeper is about to kick the ball off a pass back he always shouts "Miss it!" Like just him out of 47,000 shouting that is gonna make their keeper miss the fuckin ball.

Also, there were a few jack the lads sat behind us one season and one of them told Henry to "get a wash!" Surprised no one said anything to him!

[irblinx]

The odd woman and her odd son at the Reserve match when Joey played for Newcastle, she kept on with the most obscure jibes at him all game (her son was no better). Everyone round her were just looking at each other in that way people do when in the company of crazies.

The only one I can remember and by far the beat of her efforts, as we could all work out what it actually meant, was "Joey, have you got your CELL phone with you", a surreal night

[bernabias_right_boot]

1. There was a bloke in the old Platt Lane, before the away fans were put in there, who used to stand up whenever the opposition had a corner at that end and shout "C'mon City....KEEP THEM OUT!"

2. When we moved to COMS, there was a bloke about four rows in front of us in 324 who used to shout "Anywhere Fuham" (substitute Fulham for any other team) whenever the opposition cleared their lines.

3. I saw a bloke, also about four rows in front of us, who actually fell asleep during a game towards the end of Keegan's reign!

4 The woman behind us used to hate Sun jihai. One day, after many comments about his 'oriental appearance', she shouted "Sun, why do you keep passing to the opposition? Is it because you can't see very well?" Pissed myself!

[Robert]

Was sat in the main stand at maine rd for a cup game against crewe guy sat in front of me head in hands chanting 'not again city' and 'don't do it to me' was funny for a bit but after about 15 mins it started to become annoying

[Colin the King]

Villa Park, first game of last season and we're 4-1 down with Agbonlahor having just completed his hat-trick, so what do you do when that happens, slag the shit out of him of course. Three guys to my left, absolutely roaring at him whenever he came towards our side of the pitch with HEY! IT'S NOT HALLOWEEN! TAKE OFF THE FUCKING MASK GABBY! YOU'RE SCARING THE KIDDIES! He didn't know where to look and despite the mood being a little sour obviously, everyone erupted into laughter. Not necessarily because it was actually that funny, but they were so passionate about it- red in the face, screaming it.

One of my favourites, and one that more recently I've heard sung at Upton Park when we played them in the cup and up in Middlesbrough early on last season- 'if you can't talk proper shut your mouth'- wonder if the irony was intended? In that same cup game with West Ham, actually, a brilliant chant was born- 'Sven, Sven, wherever you may be, you are the king of man city, and you can shag my wife on our settee, if you win us a cup at the Wemb-er-ley'. Top class!

The chorus of 'Schalke auf wiedersehn' was brilliant too, and strangely they loved it. Waving back at us and laughing. The filth should take lessons off them in 'storming out with ten minutes to go when you're losing etiquette'.

Going back a little further, and this isn't so much a funny memory but a strange one. Uwe Rosler stepped up to take a penalty, fucked if I remember who against mind, and missed it, and some cunt starts giving it loads- 'you fucking Nazi' and so on, so the whole section of the Maine Stand we were in all turned their heads up towards him, completely ignoring the game and gave him a collective 'you twat' stare. There must've been 200 odd, bet he felt a bit silly.

On a similar note to that, 06/07 season and we were playing West Ham at home. So this guy behind us is mouthing off EVERY MINUTE of the first half, berating Samaras. Fucking scarecrow, greasy haired twat, my dead nan could put a better fucking shift in than you etc. etc. You know the rest- second half, arise Sir George, two cracking finishes. Bloke stormed off!

[Dronny]

I was intrigued to see how Palace's Victor Moses played last night as he keeps getting rave reviews from my Palace mates. Suffice to say last night was not a good night for the lad and was best summed up by some bloke who shouted out, after another misplaced pass...."stick to finding burning bushes cos you can't find your fuckin team mates"

[Dunne's Half-Time Pint]

Racial slurs are brilliant yeah.

[Wonderwall]

Racial slurs are brilliant yeah.

? I dont understand that comment DHTP?

I thought Dronnys comment was funny.... however, totally absurd as moses turned richards inside out last night

[Ted Hughes]

Racial slurs are brilliant yeah.

Moses: as in the Bible mate. Hardly a racial slur.

[MaineRoadMemories]

Back at Maine Road when I was a seasonticketer in the North Stand on the first row of the old grey seats above the nicer new blue ones below.

There was an older woman, mid 50's I'd guess who sat right behind me who just spent every single minute of every single game at home slagging of Nicky Summerbee, constantly. It was amusing for about 3 games and then it became a nightmare to deal with.

It seemed to make her even more angry on the rare occassion he played well and scored or set up a goal. Very odd, only at City could you get someone angry that a player has scored a goal just cos you hate him.

She either gave up or moved seats a couple of years later. I like to think see got a season ticket at Sunderland and followed Summerbee to the Stadium of Light to continue her abuse.

[Hawkeye]

Overheard from a bloke behind me with two young daughters at the Wolves game......

"I bloody asked you if you needed to go before we kicked off - you'll have to cross your legs until half time!"