Lehmann takes a piss during match

[Dameerto]

I almost pissed on a tramp at Leeds train station too (alcohol related again) - I think I just dampened his over coat a bit before realising there was someone actually UNDER the pile of cardboard in the alley. (I felt guilty and gave him some money - so you could say I've paid someone to piss on them)

[DoomMerchant]

those two are pretty good Dameerto...

who's pissed on their missus? own up. not me.

cheers

[StrikeAnywhere]

i think the worst one i can think of relating to urine was a bar in brisbane i was at one time. where i rocked up to order a drink for the lads, no cunt served me. so after 10 minutes i pissed on the bar and got the fuck outta there with the boys. random but good times.

[DoomMerchant]

i think the worst one i can think of relating to urine was a bar in brisbane i was at one time. where i rocked up to order a drink for the lads, no cunt served me. so after 10 minutes i pissed on the bar and got the fuck outta there with the boys. random but good times.

problematic on so many levels, but...i'm curious about this one i've highlighted, Twisted Sister.

cheers

[Mase]

My mate had a piss while stood at the cash machine on Deansgate last night getting money out. No one used the machine after him haha!

[DoomMerchant]

My mate had a piss while stood at the cash machine on Deansgate last night getting money out. No one used the machine after him haha!

curiously was he actually using the machine while pissing? that would be much more impressive than just pissing in line or sidling up to the machine and pissing.

cheers

[ant london]

when I was at uni (in halls in the first year). I did a drunken "sleep shit"

Crapped on top of a magazine that was atop a small chest of drawers.

I then realised I was pooing on my cupboard and not in the toilet so finished off by shitting in my bedroom sink.

Then it struck me that I'd just shat in my sink and it had no flush mechanism. So, in my wisdom I turned on the tap and used my finger to push the crap down through my plug hole, working it round and round the plug until my sink was turd free.

I only remembered this in a slow dawning realisation the following morning when I woke up to find I had a very sore index finger which was missing several layers of skin from vigorously rubbing poo through a plug hole.

Just as this came back to me, my mate walked in to wake me up and as he stood there talking to me, the fact that I'd started my shit on the chest of drawers that he was stood next to, pinged into my mind....and, in the half light of the room I could see the rogue log sat there on top of the magazine and I was filled with horror and the wish that he would vacate the room asap!!!

Pretty shameful but quite amusing with hindsight!

[DoomMerchant]

when I was at uni (in halls in the first year). I did a drunken "sleep shit"

Crapped on top of a magazine that was atop a small chest of drawers.

I then realised I was pooing on my cupboard and not in the toilet so finished off by shitting in my bedroom sink.

Then it struck me that I'd just shat in my sink and it had no flush mechanism. So, in my wisdom I turned on the tap and used my finger to push the crap down through my plug hole, working it round and round the plug until my sink was turd free.

I only remembered this in a slow dawning realisation the following morning when I woke up to find I had a very sore index finger which was missing several layers of skin from vigorously rubbing poo through a plug hole.

Just as this came back to me, my mate walked in to wake me up and as he stood there talking to me, the fact that I'd started my shit on the chest of drawers that he was stood next to, pinged into my mind....and, in the half light of the room I could see the rogue log sat there on top of the magazine and I was filled with horror and the wish that he would vacate the room asap!!!

Pretty shameful but quite amusing with hindsight!

interestingly, i never take a poo without taking a piss...did your chest of drawers get a golden shower to add to the damage you inflicted?

i haven't ever had a crazy shit attack like that...that's impressive. i did one time, when i was in college, lick a toilet seat that a really hot gurl had just stood up from after taking a piss...she was still in the bathroom with me at the time. i did not in fact earn the right to fuck her using this approach -- just in case you think of trying it at home or out on the lash.

[ant london]

nah no weeing

I'm funny actually.....I only ever have a small micro piss when I'm pooing. I like to wipe up, pull up my pants and have a standing wee after I'm done, giving the loo a good hosing and also cleaning off any skid marks. A small and quite odd foible of mine I think!

I have a quite amusing wanking story to go with the poo one

I was living in France and not doing much one saturday so decided to knock one out. Now I had lots of spare time so decided to have a wank deluxe. Cracked out a load of jazz pamphlets and spread them on my bed and was kneeling up as I perused.

Anyway, by deluxe I mean taking my time working up and backing off so as to prolong the experience.

Dunno how long I was at it but by the time I finally "arrived at my destination" (and unbeknownst to me) I had managed to completely cut off the circulation in both my legs (I mean about 20 mins past the pins and needley stage....just zero feeling).

So, i shoot the load just into my other hand and then go to get something to clean up with. Went to stand up and as my feet hit the deck they just folded under me like I was some kind of paraplegic, the feet bent under my ankles and I crumpled to the ground.

I'm there, hands covered in baby gravy.....thinking that I have broken at least one if not both ankles and god knows what else, no pants on.....but I can't feel anything due to having no circulation.

I was lying there for about 15 minutes, agonising over whether to call for help and endure the humiliation of being found like that.....or whether to wait for the blood to flow into my legs.......by which point I am covered in cold jizz and feeling like a bit of a tit but relieved to find nothing broken other than moderately wounded pride

[LookMumImOnMCF.net]

So apparently this week Jens, has been at it again. When Stuttgart were 1-0 up this happened:

The 40-year-old decided to tread on the Mainz striker Aristide Bancé's foot with the ball in his hand. Bancé, a big, ugly bloke who spends more time on the ground than a good piece of German oak parquet, hit the deck in mock agony. The referee awarded a penalty and sent Lehmann off. Eugen Polanski scored against Lehmann's deputy, Sven Ulreich, to ruin Christian Gross's Bundesliga debut on the Stuttgart bench.

One might have thought that Lehmann would have preferred to go quietly into the night after winning himself an early Christmas break, but no. Desperate to leave the ground, Lehmann got lost and ended up in between ordinary punters. One Stuttgart fan approached him and asked "Jens, why can't you be normal?" The keeper didn't respond but snatched his interlocutor's glasses instead. He walked with them for 10 metres or so, while the fan pleaded with him to give them back. Lehmann eventually handed them to another fan, who in turn handed them to the owner. After finally finding a taxi that would take him to the airport, Lehmann flew back to Munich, where he was met by a TV reporter. Asked for an interview, Lehmann asked the man for €5 to get himself some food.

I think he needs professional help.

[Mase]

So apparently this week Jens, has been at it again. When Stuttgart were 1-0 up this happened:

The 40-year-old decided to tread on the Mainz striker Aristide Bancé's foot with the ball in his hand. Bancé, a big, ugly bloke who spends more time on the ground than a good piece of German oak parquet, hit the deck in mock agony. The referee awarded a penalty and sent Lehmann off. Eugen Polanski scored against Lehmann's deputy, Sven Ulreich, to ruin Christian Gross's Bundesliga debut on the Stuttgart bench.

One might have thought that Lehmann would have preferred to go quietly into the night after winning himself an early Christmas break, but no. Desperate to leave the ground, Lehmann got lost and ended up in between ordinary punters. One Stuttgart fan approached him and asked "Jens, why can't you be normal?" The keeper didn't respond but snatched his interlocutor's glasses instead. He walked with them for 10 metres or so, while the fan pleaded with him to give them back. Lehmann eventually handed them to another fan, who in turn handed them to the owner. After finally finding a taxi that would take him to the airport, Lehmann flew back to Munich, where he was met by a TV reporter. Asked for an interview, Lehmann asked the man for €5 to get himself some food.

I think he needs professional help.

And some people think Stevie Ireland is mad!